Day 293: Discipline Grounded in Love
1 Maccabees 12:1-23 Jonathan renewed his treaty with Rome and procured another with Sparta, with whom the Maccabees had a common enemy in Greece. His diplomatic letter for Rome credited the “holy books” and divine intervention for the Judean success in battle.
Ch 12:24-38 Jonathan encountered Demetrius’s army long before they reached Jerusalem and tactically scared them away. He and Simon, with their separate armies, went on to defeat their other enemies in the region. Jonathan then called for the fortification of Jerusalem: higher walls, bolted gates, and a tall barrier to surround the Syrian citadel and to isolate it from the rest of the city.
Ch 12:39-53 Trypho decided to usurp Antiochus but saw Jonathan as an obstacle. Through trickery, Trypho took Jonathan captive and slayed a thousand of his soldiers. The enemies of Israel, knowing that Jonathan was in custody, believed that Israel was severely weakened for lack of leadership.
Sirach 30:1-13 Paternal love involves discipline when necessary as well as good example. While abuse can never be tolerated, prudent forms of punishment are permissible as a way of giving effective character formation to children. Imparting discipline is a demonstration of love that aims at improving the behavior and developing the talents of the child. God’s love includes the allowance of suffering, which serves as a purification for our spiritual growth.
Ch 30:14-25 The Church teaches that we are to take reasonable care of our health out of respect for our bodies so they can serve as good instruments of the soul. To abuse our bodies in any form, including the use of dangerous drugs, mutilation, and other practices, is sinful. As a corollary to every person’s right to a dignified life, the Church calls upon employers and governments to ensure that workers receive a wage that is sufficient to support their families and care for their health needs. (CCC 2431)
Ch 31:1-11 Money cannot buy happiness; neither does its pursuit bring about peace. St. Augustine said famously, “Our hearts are restless, O Lord, until they rest in you”; God alone is the universal good that can fulfill the yearnings of the human heart. When a disordered desire for wealth, power, or pleasure becomes an absolute, the true and ultimate good is replaced by false gods. Christ stressed that the human heart can unite only with one perceived universal good. For this reason, he taught that no one can serve both God and riches (cf. Lk 16:13; the Aramaic mammon means, literally, “riches” or “money”).
Ch 31:12-31 Gluttony, the excessive consumption of food or drink, compromises personal dignity and violates the purpose of eating. Gluttony is one of the seven capital sins, which are springboards to other sins. Overindulgence in food and drink exhibits a lack of self-control that can lead to intemperance in other acts. (CCC 1866)
Proverbs 23:12-13 This maxim should not be seen as an endorsement of corporal punishment as much as the importance of disciplinary correction. These verses teach that children must learn to be disciplined in pursuing their studies and in the formation of their character. God is revealed as a loving Father who sometimes disciplines his children for the sake of their moral and spiritual growth. (CCC 2223)
(*The Didache Bible RSV-CE Ignatius Edition, 206)
So we’ll come back to that discipline thing in just a sec
It was kind of a theme in both Sirach and Proverbs today
So maybe the Lord is trying to tell us something...🤔
BUT…
First, 1 Maccabees Ch 12
GOSH!!
Once again, like we mentioned yesterday, all the other historical narrative books of the Bible tell us the point
Here is what you need to pay attention to
Here is how God is acting in this
AND YET…
Here in 1 Maccabees, IT IS JUST TELLING US THE DETAILS AND THE DATA
The data is that PEOPLE IN POWER WANT TO STAY IN POWER
Not everyone in power who SAYS they are trustworthy IS ACTUALLY TRUSTWORTHY
So not only do we have alliances with Rome and Sparta
We also have Jonathan’s death at the hand of Trypho
Tomorrow in Ch 13, Simon will take command of the Maccabeans...Maccabees?
And he’s going to…
Uh...SQUIRREL!! 😉
So remember there’s Judas and and his brother Jonathan and his other brother Simon are going to be the ones who are continuing to lead the battle and fighting the people around them
GOSH!!
Onward to Sirach
Sirach 30:1-3, “He who loves his son will whip him often, in order that he may rejoice at the way he turns out. He who disciplines his son will profit by him, and will boast of him among acquaintances. He who teaches his son will make his enemies envious, and will glory in him in the presence of friends.”
Proverbs 23:13, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.”
The child is going to be fine
It’s not going to kill him
Let’s keep in mind that there is a DIFFERENCE between discipline, spanking someone with the rod and BEATING UP
There’s a difference between DISCIPLINE and DESTRUCTION
THERE IS A MASSIVE DIFFERENCE!!
It’s like when the Bible talks about slavery
There is a ton of slavery in the Bible
When the Bible is talking about slavery, it is not talking about CHATTEL SLAVERY, where you OWN THE PERSON AS PROPERTY
UNLESS…
It’s talking about one of the oppressive nations around Israel
BUT…
Even slavery in Israel is not the slavery we think of today
It is more like indentured servitude where after seven years you get set free and you are working for a point
YOU ARE NOT OWNED BY ANOTHER PERSON
You are working for them and they are caring for you
So it’s a whole different thing
So same kind of thing when it comes to discipline, sparing the rod, or spoiling the child
IT IS NOT BEATING A CHILD
THIS IS DISCIPLINE
If that’s tough for you to wrap your mind around, then we need to fight for it because that is the whole point
The whole point is offering one’s child or one’s children DISCIPLINE
NOT BEATING THEM UP!!
Keep that in mind
THAT IS NEVER EVER THE CASE
Why?
The discipline is oriented towards the child’s growing up to be A GOOD HUMAN BEING
This is one of the roles of parents to help the children become A GOOD HUMAN BEING
It could be this situation where you say, “Ok but in this day and age we don’t necessarily beat anyone or spank anyone. It might be a time-out kind of situation”
GREAT!!
PHENOMENAL!!
That is great and if it works, that is completely wonderful (Time-outs didn’t work with me when I was a rabble-rousing kid 😉)
Again, keep this in mind
The Bible is NOT encouraging beating up or injuring another human being, one’s child, for the sake of discipline
BUT…
It is saying we have to TEACH our kids
Why?
The point is not so that you are able to vent your anger out on your child
THAT IS AWFUL
The point is there are pieces in us THAT NEED TO BE SHAPED
There are things in us that we are INCLINED TO DO that we need to STOP BEING INCLINED TO DO
IN FACT…
This is for all of us, right?
Anyone who is in authority over me will have to tell me things
For example, Fr. Mike’s Bishop
They had a meeting a few weeks ago and the Bishop said, “Fr. Mike, I need you to do this. This is your priority this week.”
Fr. Mike was like, “Ok, yeah.”
The Bishop said, “No no no. Listen. This is the number one thing you need to do.”
The Bishop made it very very clear that it was not a semi-request
It was, “YOU NEED TO DO THIS. THIS IS VERY SERIOUS. I AM ASKING YOU TO DO THIS. I AM TELLING YOU TO DO THIS. THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION. THIS IS A COMMAND.”
Fr. Mike replied, “Oh!! Got it.”
If Fr. Mike had grown up in such a way that when people told him what to do and he took it the wrong way and rebelled, then he is of no use to his Bishop and of no use to himself
He’s of no use to the people around him if all he can do is HIS OWN WILL
So we need to be TRAINED in this way
If your mind keeps going back to BEATING SOMEONE UP or BEATING A CHILD, that is NOT EVER what the Scriptures or the Church is talking about AT ALL
There’s this somewhat famous clinical psychologist who had a rule
“Never let your kids do anything that makes you dislike them.”
That’s one of his 12 Rules for Life 😉
At first glance, that rule sounds really strange
Is that even possible?
He said, “Yes! In my clinical practice, I’ve seen very many patients of parents who end up resenting their children because they haven’t corrected them. They haven’t. They’ve let them get away with so many things that here’s what happens. Not only do you dislike your children, but here is the next thing. If you let your child get away with things that make you dislike them, what happens when they are out in the world where people don’t have to love them? When people don’t have any natural affection for them? Here’s what happens. On the playground with their peers, they are isolated because no one wants to play with a kid who’s a brat, right? No one wants to play with a kid who is incapable of thinking of someone else or sharing or whatever the thing is.”
So the goal is not just, “I don’t like this behavior in my child. I want them to behave the way I want them to behave.”
It’s actually, “I will not let my child get away with anything that makes me dislike them because that will make it even more difficult for them to make friends.”
The other thing is with other adults
If one’s child is unlikable because they just get away with whatever, then other adults will smile at them, pat them on the head, and can’t wait to get away from them
The child will see, “Oh, that’s what adults are like. They’re fake. They just smile. They don’t really care.”
ON THE OTHER HAND…
If you help your child to be the kind of person who gets along with other kids, who actually knows how to interact with adults, then the kids will be happy to see them come, will be happy to play with them, even if there’s disagreements
The other kids will want them as playmates and will actually invite them into a relationship WHICH IS IMPORTANT
And the same thing when it comes to other adults
Other adults will see them and say, “Oh, I want to engage with this child, this young person, because they’re not Veruca Salt right?” (Ok Veruca Salt is the bratty girl in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory…I mean the REAL version with Gene Wilder...I refuse to even acknowledge the existence of Tim Burton’s abomination of this movie 😉)
“I want an Oompa Loompa now, daddy!”
That kind of situation
We’ve seen those kinds of kids and the job of a parent is to help them be the kind of person that can make friends
The kind of person that can interact with adults
The kind of person that can engage with the world around them
Does that make sense?
That’s the whole point
Oh and also to be a virtuous human being
GOSH!!
I hope that makes sense because it makes sense to Fr. Mike (and me 😉)
Whether it’s through the rod or a paddle
Fr. Mike’s mom used to spank him and his siblings with a paddle
Sure it stung a little bit
But no damage done
Just a little sharp
BUT…
It was the THREAT of that more than anything
Ok off we go on a tangent…
She had the little paddle ball game you know, between…
SQUIRREL!! 😉
They had cupboards that had little knobs to open the cupboard doors…
She put the paddle in between those two knobs like a holster
When the kids were acting up during supper, she would walk over to that area
She didn’t even have to pick it up
She just walked over to that general area where the paddle was and the kids would calm down
Fr. Mike’s siblings use time-outs
They rarely spank their kids
They have really really great kids because the point is DISCIPLINE IS GOOD FOR US
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE (Unless you’re an Indian kid 🤪 that’s a joke people, settle down)
It can simply be that time out
“Here’s the consequences of your actions.”
Why?
You discipline your kid now, and it costs you as a parent
“I discipline you now so that later on you can be the kind of person who, here in Scripture says doesn’t go to hell, but you’d be the kind of person who has the virtue needed to help the people around you and help yourself.”
DISCIPLINE IS ORIENTED TOWARDS SUCCESS IN THE FUTURE!!
That’s how it’s SUPPOSED TO BE even though many of us have experienced NOT that kind of discipline
Fr. Mike is rambling…
Go have a tea or coffee or something…😉
Fr. Mike is not advocating in any way, shape, or form, beating up your children
DON’T BEAT YOUR CHILDREN
THAT IS HORRIBLE
Fr. Mike is laughing at this only because he’s separated from it and he’s trying to say this is not what he’s saying (You ever see the scene in Princess Bride where The Dread Pirate Roberts and Vizzini are having a Battle of Wits? The last several minutes of this podcast remind me of this quote: dizzying intellect 🤪)
This is a large community
When we talk about things like discipline, or sparing the rod, or using the rod, many people who are listening, THIS IS YOUR HISTORY
Your experience in life has been to be treated HORRIBLY
Unlike some moms who had the little paddle, yours was something FAR FAR WORSE
FAR FAR WORSE!!
For some of us spanking was unpleasant, but it did the trick
For you, what your parents may have called spanking was actually BEATING
So this can be a really hard thing to hear
So remember two things
Beating is not what Scripture is talking about
What you experienced was NOT GODLY
IT WAS NOT OF THE LORD
Second thing, YOU ARE LOVED
What you experienced was FROM A BROKEN HUMAN BEING
Maybe they were doing their best to “raise you right.”
BUT THAT IS NOT THE LORD’S WAY
No matter what happened in your past, it matters and YOU matter and YOU ARE LOVED
Does that make sense?
For some people’s reality, spanking was like a good thing in the end (pardon the pun 😉)
BUT…
THAT IS NOT EVERYONE’S EXPERIENCE
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
A lot of people walking with us have different experiences
So we’re praying for YOU
To get past that and to be able to heal and say, “Yeah that was wrong. But here I am moving forward. That was wrong but here I am. I’m moving forward.”
YOU MATTER!!
IT MATTERS!!
YOU ARE LOVED!!
Hope that makes sense
We are praying for YOU
WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!!
Even though we have very different experiences with each other
God is calling us ALL on the same road to get close to Him as best we can
FR. MIKE IS PRAYING FOR YOU
PRAY FOR FR. MIKE
PRAY FOR EACH OTHER
Prayer by Fr. Mike: “Father in Heaven we give you praise and glory. Thank you so much for this gift. Thank you for your Word. Thank you for revealing your heart to us. And, gosh, oh God, you are a good Dad and you discipline us. Help us to receive correct and right discipline. Help us to offer correct and right discipline when it is our responsibility to do so. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”